I am a strong man who chooses to believe that God is in control of my life, in control of my family, and most of all, in control of my future. I find no reason to stop believing that now. However, have you ever wanted or wished that you could just pluck your head in the sand to get away from circumstances, and when you came back up for air everything was okay and as it should be? Sometimes that is what I wish for, but know that that is an unrealistic idea. Life is unpredictable and we really don’t know what our tomorrow’s hold for us. And truth be known, it is probably best that way.
Through the years there have been many events in which I hold dear to my heart and will carry them with me till the day that I die. Growing up on the farm was something that I hold dear as well. I grew up as one of six kids, and we didn’t have a lot of money but I am certain that we were happier than kids are today. Some of my friends in grade school were always so special to me, and I can’t remember if I ever told them or if they even knew it. Another is the first day that I met my wife for the first time after being pen-pals, and going to high school at different schools. This memory will always be precious to me. She was, and remains to be my very best friend. It is these type of things in life that make life worth living, regardless of how long that life might be.
I am still in relatively good control of my daily tasks, am aware of what is happening around me, and still keenly aware of where and what I am doing with my family and friends. This is a disease of the brain and sometimes my brain plays tricks on me without me realizing it. I would swear on a stack of bibles that I just took the dog out to pee, when in fact it was two nights ago. I am certain that I took my pills and had dinner when in fact I hadn’t. I don’t always realize the significance behind these mistakes, in fact I don’t think I ever do. To me, it’s just pick up from where I left off the last time, but it’s not that easy. I am fortunate in the sense that I have my wife to hold me accountable and remind me all the time of everything that I am supposed to be doing. I often think about the people who don’t have family or loved ones to help them, and how helpless they may feel at times.
Physically I feel like a train wreck. Because of a a combination of side effects from medications and an inability to stay active like I used to I am gaining weight and feel like I am becoming weak and more tired with each passing day. I am holding water so bad that I gained over 30 pounds in less than a month and have now been put on water pills in an attempt to dispense it. If all of this is a glimpse into the future as to what it is like to be a senior citizen than perhaps I’m getting the better end of the stick after all.
Its getting harder for me to come up with the correct wording to write this blog now, spelling is a crap shoot, and staying on task is getting more difficult. Maybe I just need more sleep, or maybe I need to direct my thought process to something more worthwhile. I am hosting a family reunion on August 8, and it will be the first time the “Higgins” family will have gotten together in about thirty years. Some of these family members I have never even met, though we all live here in Maine and relatively close to one another. Hopefully it goes down as a day to remember. If nothing more I hope that my parents can look down from heaven and see that after all of these years someone is making an effort to move the family in the right direction….