I know as a Christian I am going to have a home in heaven. That is a promise to me, from God. As a child I learned about heaven, about God and Jesus. My parents had a series of books called “The Bible Stories”, and I remember reading them with an awe that at that time was not fully understood. My great Aunt Muriel used to pick me up and bring me to a small church in Albion, Maine. I loved learning and was fascinated by the stories my Sunday School teachers used to tell through the felt board figures. I don’t think I ever fully comprehended what those stories meant at the time, but as I matured and grew older I was starting to realize the significance that these would mean in the growing up process.
I’m not 50 years old yet and have started to plan my funeral. It’s not something that I want to do, but something that I must. I don’t want to leave all of the plans for my wife to have to do herself. I know what I want and don’t want, so it only makes sense for me to contribute and get it over with. I’m not at all afraid to die, but I am afraid of leaving my wife and family. The biggest problem with Dementia is the long goodbyes. I understand that this process may take a year or so and I won’t realize it, but my family certainly will. So, I will try to simplify the property management and chores as best as I can, so that my wife will have to do as little as possible.
This home had been a dream that was two years in the making. It was something that was equally important to both of us to make it “ours” with our own gardens and clusters of woods up and down the driveway. This was our dream together for our retirement together, but God has a different path and plan for us. He wants me to go to heaven first and help prepare a place for my wife and family. I can do that. Like I have a choice right? One thing that has become very evident to me this past year is that God doesn’t make mistakes, ever. So, I will continue to simplify life and make the very best of every single day. I will continue to love my wife and kids for as long as I humanly can.
I hope that as this disease progresses, my family understands that my love for them will never falter, despite what may come out of my mouth at times. I know that this disease will completely take over my mind and that it is likely I will become someone I am not. It is a scary thought, yet I cannot allow it to consume me and I refuse to let it. I will make the best of every day, no matter what.