I had visitors last night who brought dinner, and it was so good to sit around the table and enjoy them. I am extremely fortunate to be able to call so, so, so many people, a friend. The Corey family has always had a special place in my heart. In many ways Scott has been a role model to me. More so than any of my family members. None of us really know what tomorrow is going to bring, and he reminded me that I need to live for the day and continue to do God’s work. So, for as long as I am able to do things for myself, I will trudge forward. But I will trudge with a new reverence for life. For as long as I can, I am going to try harder to see the little things in life with huge meanings. The little things have significance too.
Dementia for the most part is a slow progression of losing certain capabilities. At first it is something that I am and will be aware of, but will gradually not be aware of. This to me is something that I feel lucky about. Yes, I feel lucky. As this progresses I won’t be aware that I am unaware. (Wow…if you say that fast it sounds like “underwear”.) People with this diagnosis typically are not in any form of pain, unless they have another diagnosis that causes it.
From what I understand it affects people differently. If a person is normally jovial, they will remain jovial, amplified. So, when the time comes that I cannot express myself I would like everyone to know in advance that if you approach me and I don’t seem like myself, please don’t take offense. I still like you! This stage is usually toward the end so I think I’m pretty safe to say that time is on my side, and I’ve got a few years.
I mentioned to Scott and Robin that I was on the phone for nearly three hours yesterday, an hour for each of my three kids. They are 27, 24, and 21 years old but still need and enjoy conversing with their Dad. I must have done something right. I was reminded that these hours were meaningful to them, but also to me. All three are sensitive like I am. They are all intelligent and have their own way of thinking. I am certain that all of them will leave their mark as they walk their own paths in this struggling, but temporary home.
I miss going to church, and my family there. There are so many really good people that are genuine Prayer Warriors for me and countless others that have junk going on in their lives as well. I like to say that everyone has a story. If that story is important to you, than for what ever reason, it being medical, financial, raising kids, marriage, or whatever, than it should be important to the rest of us and deserves our time. More importantly, it deserves our prayer support. Prayers are always answered, whether in the manner in which we wanted or in another way. Either way, those prayers are or will be answered.
Scott and Robin are so sincere and committed to God, that it got me thinking about my purpose for the next journey that I am facing in my life. One thing that I have been repeatedly, but lovingly, reminded of is that I have an amazing support system here. I am not going through this journey all alone. My wife and kids are on the front lines with me, and I am comforted in the knowledge that they know without a doubt as to how this journey will end. They understand. They know that I am a very emotional and sensitive man who loves Jesus, and is looking forward to going home in the future. They know that I am comforted in knowing that I will be re-united with all of them someday. I honestly cannot fathom as to how anyone who doesn’t have that knowledge will get through a scenario like or similar to this.
As I stated earlier, I believe that time is on my side, but who knows? Maybe the Rapture will happen and I won’t have to go through any of this at all. Wouldn’t that be cool. It is my intent to print out all my blogs someday and give a copy to each of my kids so that they have some of “my” words to read when they are missing me. I already know that I wont have to make a copy for my wife because she will already have done it. Probably in alphabetical order. She is a school teacher and loves organization. She says that when she goes to heaven she wants to bring a label maker so that she can keep everything organized! And it would not surprise me in the least, that when I meet her at the gate she is carrying that label maker. Have an awesome day everyone.